Updated: Feb 17
As I sit here writing this, I feel vulnerable and naked.
It's uncomfortable. It's the documentary all over again... a familiar feeling of,
"How can I shield myself from this discomfort? How can I get away from what is to come?"
Humiliation, embarrassment and uncomfortable situations make us feel naked.
It's normal- because we are being "exposed" in a light that might result in
criticism, shame or belittlement.
I never felt like I belonged as a girl; some of you knew.
There was always this sense that my parents would have been better off without me.
They never said such; but the struggles they endured, did.
My Leo Rising rose, "IT'S SHOW TIME!"
Let me give them a FULL PERFORMANCE of what life can be.
The Virgo Sun stepped in, "I will clean, fix and change EVERYTHING to be PERFECT!"
My Gemini Moon searched aimlessly for ideas, resolutions, etc.
My mom even said it... "you are an ideal child".
And I was... many of us were.
Naked...naked...naked I feel, because I am saying the truth. I put on an ACT.
I put on a front. It was all a show that became bigger and bigger, more grandiose with time,
because I just wanted their lives to be easy enough... that I would be a good contribution to their lives.
20some years lady... Overture, hit the lights! This is it! The time of our lives.....
I'm still singing tunes, dancing around, glitterfying the existence for as many as I can.
Do you see a pattern here? Me too.
This pattern stops, for me, when I say "this is how I really feel... it hurts... it's scary... I am lonely".
That is the beginning of authenticity.
We can not separate love from a sense of belonging.
We try to pile on loads of self-love/care, but at the end of the day, we want to be seen and heard as valuable.
We want to feel like that 1 in 100 million sperms that MADE IT for an essential reason that is truly
understood, wanted and desired.
We get mixed up along the way, and stuck trying to prove our worth.
Or, perhaps, trying to prove we DON'T CARE if you see our worth. Or, we are obsessed with vanity. Or, we are obsessed with success. Or, we are obsessed with being popular. We all have our isms.
This last week on Weekly Grace, I even criticized Teal Swan the enlightenment guru for not being a perfect person,
because, who is? I'm not... she's not... we ALL have isms. We ALL want to belong.
So, not only am I stating the proven cure (which, by the way, wasn't my genius idea but already proven)
by doing it.... I am being vulnerable. I am leading by example and seeking like minded souls.
In Psychic Work, or even acting work, the BS has 0 place. If we don't say what we feel, we lose all validity.
It's THAT important that we are honest with ourselves, and others. Wouldn't it be great if life, all of it, every aspect,
had such a high level of BS intolerance? Perhaps, we all wish it did.
Then we could just be, us.
And those that valued it, we would call Soul Mates.
And those that couldn't relate, might learn, or grow from our experiences.
It's harder, much "braver", to be authentic.
But if we start from a place of honesty... we find a life that could ONLY be made for us.
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